The (Australian) Patriot

I am eternally fascinated and amused by your species' petty squabbles over soil. They are the reason I will ultimately destroy your kind and are also the reason I rented Dean Devil and Roland Anoraks The Patriot.

Mel "Chip the Chinchilla Man" Gibson plays a family butcher in the real sense of the words (ie: he butchered some families). Anyway he has married, calmed down, and had a load of kids. His wife is dead, and now the Americans want a war with the British (ove r the definition of the word 'pants', or something) so off goes Mel's oldest to war. Then one day he returns, bringing some war with him.

Anyway, to cut a crap story short, Mel's second boy is killed by some hilariously maniacal officer (insert name here) who is an amalgam of Moriarty and all of the hand rubbing Dickens villains you could mention. Enraged, Mel goes off into the woods with two ten year old's, telling them to KILL!KILL!KILL! - and they do. Mel then butchers the remaining dead bodies with two hatchets.

The next two and a half hours is a blur of me rampaging, going to the loo, and cooking me dinner.
Some people are fried in a church, lots of people are amputated by bowling balls, the CGI looks awful and Mel has sudden bursts of 'Tom Hanks syndrome' throughout, as trumpets play out of his arse.

Anyway, the whole thing is just too sickly sick and patriotic for my insect mind, and I don't even want to think about it.

I would have been insulted if Bruckheimers Pearl Harbour had not so recently raised my tolerance capacity for misinformed tripe.

Note, even though he was a white southern land owner, Mel and his family respected blacks as equals and had no slaves, instead allowing them to work on his land as free men - my eye.

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