I am the Atlantis Mantis! I am the bug up my own arse! Know now that these are my rants. Look upon my works and despair, for the knowledge contained herein could melt your very soul.

Some readers may be offended by the content, on account of the content being offensive.

07/11/03 The Matrix Revolutions
33 1/3 revolutions per monkey.

17/10/03 Kill Bill
The Bride with White-fu

28/07/03 Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas
Atlantis Mantis in 'quite liking something' shocker.

22/05/03 The Matrix Reloaded
The Mantis tells you what the matrix is, so you don't have to see it for yourself. Isn't that nice of it

10/05/03 The Animatrix
Kind of like the second season of Sonic the Hedgehog.

04/02/03 Michael Jackson
The king of pop. Bonkers in the nut, or not? The Mantis finds out.

04/02/03 Family Guy
Second rate Simpsons rip off, or third rate Daria rip off?

14/12/02 Justin Timberlake
This week I explore just how deep his twatishness truly runs.

18/10/02 Red Dragon
Even less dragons in it than Reign of Fire as it turns out.

17/10/02 Disneys Lilo and Stitch
Wacky surfing fun with Satans latest cash cow.

29/09/02 The Matrix
Is it the worst film ever made? Yes.

01/09/02 Beat 'em Ups
A contemplative dissection of virtual combat.

25/03/02 Special Editions
Contains previously unreleased paragraph and digitaly remastered spelling.

25/11/01 Disneys Atlantis
Laputa for cunts.

24/11/01 Deep Rising
Crap at a molecular level.

23/11/01 Hannibal
The vegetarian alternative to cinema.

22/11/01 Imax
The bigger they are, the shitter they are.

20/11/01 The Patriot
Mel Gibson in a crap film. Coincidence?

19/11/01 The Mummy Returns
The Mummy returns were quite considerable, so they spent them on a rubbish sequel.

31/08/01 Tim Burtons Planet of the Apes
Fox, Tim Burton, damn them all to hell!

21/08/01 Cats and Dogs
Satan manifests himself upon the earth in the form of a film.

02/07/01 Pearl Harbour
Never have so many been offended by so few.


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